We deserve a pay
by lisalo
Summary: How come Eidolons don’t get a salary for their intense physical activity?
1. Pissing off

Hello everybody, and welcome to: "We deserve a pay"

**Hello everybody, and welcome to: "We deserve a pay". In this fan fiction, we are going to explore an important issue for players: "How come Eidolons don't get a salary for their intense physical activity?"…** _Well, it is not an important issue, I must admit it, but if anyone has a better idea, please stand up_ (_Every FF9 player stands up)._ _Never mind._

**In the writing of this Pulitzer (**all people who have the Pulitzer load shotguns**) fan fiction, I are going to be helped by a female censor, by the name of Lilith…** _it is sort of a bad name, but it needed to start with L for a number of reasons. If anyone has a better name, it can stand up (every name expert stands up). Omg. _**Well, her job is to make sure there is no swearwords and such, thus making pay themes the only cause of a T… **_why did I get stuck with that slu… _You know I can read your mind, right? _With that slug on my sole. _Better.

**Oh, and just if you were wondering why all the font changes:**

**Normal type means normal talking and speech**

**Italics means we are using our mind reading tech** _which we really shouldn't have_

**Bold means it's me going on with uninteresting matters**

**Underline means it is my s**… What are you going to say?_ Why does she always stop me? _That is my job, and proceed with the explanation **my SUPER female censor, namely Lilith** Why, thanks. _You can only talk in case of potential swearing, so shut your tramp up. _Ok, Mr. Rudeness. And I know you didn't mean it anyways. You meant a swear word.

**Now eat a cookie if you haven't skipped this nonsense, and let us start to this fan fiction. Just before we start, I just have to say this plotline's so good that if someone changed it into a film… **_yes, like if anyone's going to bother with this nonsense… _**it would win an Oscar for best film **(The academy loads shotguns).

Disclaimer: **I DO own Final Fantasy **(Squaresoft/ Squarenix loads shotguns). _Perhaps I should quit lying… Nah._

Sponsor: /refer/lisalo (**Ok, they don't pay me a damn (it is a type of coin), but I get account points... **You are introducing a link for account points? Sucks to be you. _You are censoring me for no pay? Sucks to be you. _Well, at least I get to wind you up._ Ajj. _Can't you even talk in proper sentences? You don't deserve to be a writer. _And you don't deserve to be my censor, because you do a s... _Do I have to remember you the reason I am stuck with the horrible writer you are?_ because you do a sullen job, and because..._ Time to meve on, isn't it? _But I haven't finished_ Do you really think I care? Move on. _Ajj _Next time, pay attention, please._ Don't worry. I won't do anyways. _Ajj. _Next time, follow your own advice. And since our readers are starting to dislike this situation _(any reader there might be loads shotguns) _we'd better move on._

Chapter 1: Pissing off

You know that for me that is another swearword, right?_ I have not said it in that sense, just wait and read. _Oh, I'm sorry. _Never mind._

Sitting down near a peaceful stream, Garnet couldn't but forget the destruction of Alexandria, Garnet couldn't but forget that the co… That's not exactly a swear word, but mind your language. _Freak. _See? As long as you are extremely careful with what you say, mostly being sure that it can be interpreted as something other than an insult, it is OK for me. _Woot, I now know your weak spot. _It's not my weak spot, and please carry on with the story. Ahem, she couldn't but forget about that extremely obese woman that pretended to be a mother, and she couldn't but forget… _why are you so repetitive when it comes to describing what I am doing? _Cuz he is a bad writer. _Great, not only have I got everyone loading shotguns against me and a censor that is acting more like a conscience, but now I have also got the characters of my fanfic criticizing me. Now I am taking revenge. _She couldn't but forget she had somebody with a tail stalking her. She couldn't but forget she had not had decent cleaning in some time… Decent cleaning? my, my, what a spoilt princess. _She is, now if you please let me carry on_… She could not but relax, in that calm stream with flowing water and green…

"Dagger! Have you finished with that dump?" Said a voice in the distance, one which denoted that whoever spoke it was a… well, not to attract the censor's wrath… See? There's ways around me? _Shut up_… As I was saying, the voice denoted that whoever talked it had an excessive liking for woman.

"Uh oh!" A comment stated by a young female voice. Actually, a comment denoted by A VERY young female voice, to be precise. "Let's get away from here"

"But I need to protect the Princess, and even more so with that tailed scoundrel around." Cried the voice of a crying… _what?… _the voice of a crying mor… Please don't force me to.… the voice of a crying mortal… _happy now? _Actually, yes, I am. _Good, now let me continue._

"Believe me" commented a voice with a clear preference for old grammar "right now, it's Zidane who needs protection, and we need to get away"

"You get away" said a scornful and indifferent… _someone_ _could learn from this._ Oh, shut up, will you? _Ok_… voice "I'm not missing this"

And so they did, and so he didn't… _if you don't know just WHO I am talking about, shoot yourself_.

"Just who do you think you are?" Screamed Dagger… you say just who you are talking about, for a change. _Oh, shut up, will you?_ Don't imitate me… "There are two things which you just can't do to a woman! One is interrupt her in the bathroom! And another is saying to her the word "dump"! And you have done BOTH!"

"Calm down, querida." Zidane said, both with fear and with humor, to Dagger "After all, it is not like if I had killed you"

"I would have preferred that! … _My, some spoilt princess is overreacting_… Now you are going to pay! ATOMOS!"

"Ow, yeouch, owowowowow, why did it have to be a full animation? It hurts more!"… _Poor guy_.

**Well, nice intro, isn't it. Please Read and Review, NOT Review and Read**… Oh, and another thing. Please tell how many neurons you have lost. _Shut up, you trans…_ My, I am sure busy with you. _Transfer student. _I love doing this. Till next chapter! 


	2. Eidocity

**Hello everybody, and welcome to chapter 2 of my wonderful**** story**… Wonderful? It is frankly a miracle you didn't get blamed last time_ Yes, why deny it, but I have to attract people so that this story becomes popular and so that you get your paycheque at the end of each month, so please don't speak and let me do my job. _Whatever._ Don't use Amarant's catchphrase_. Whatever. _Someone is going to get fired, now moving on…_**Thanks to all of those bored beings who waste their time reviewing (and I've become one of them too) although, really, if you waste your life on this page, you may as well do it properly. You must have obviously noticed that we still have that bas… **Tjo, Tjo. _Bless you_. I notice you haven't caught it. _I had, but I was just faking. _What an ill-mannered folk, now moving on… **that basically wonderful censor by the name of Lilith**, **despite someone trying hard to kill her…** I know it was you, so don't hide it. _Then why didn't you call the police. _Cos every guy I've censored has tried to kill me. _But aren't I your first charge? _Precisely. Besides, I've also tried to kill you. _Oh, yes, the anvil and the traditional Spanish film, I forgot. _My auntie told me it was the best film she'd ever seen, so I knew it would work. _Unfortunately, it came in VHS tapes, and I don't have a tape player, only a DVD player, so_ _it didn't work_. That was the moment I learnt the meaning of tough luck, and the reason why the aging of technology is a problem, now moving on… **Well, by ME** **trying to** **kill her by the following methods (and she will explain why I messed up)**

**Provoking a car accident**… He did the wrong car.

**Putting rat poison in her coffee**… Right in front of me.

**Changing her computer's version to Windows 95**… I use Apple.

**Scaring her to death with a mysterious phone call whilst in a horror movie**… I have a caller ID.

**Now, after this humiliating session, and with everything important said last ****chapter, it is time to continue the plotline**… Continue? You mean start, don't you? _I do, now if you let me move on. _Ok, but you admitted it…

**Comments to avoid shotgun bullets (forgot to mention all readers have loaded shotguns)**: **I do not mean to insult anybody with my comments, they are just for humour. Like "The Simpsons" or "Family Guy".**

**Well, that is it. Enjoy the Fanfic… **That was lame. _And so are you, and I don't complain as much…_

Wait a second. You have been joking with my payheck. My question is: What paycheck? _Laa, la la la, la la la, la la la. Laaaa, la la la la la la, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. La, la la la, la la la, la la la. Lalalalala, Lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaa, laaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (la la la, La la la, La la la). __Laaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaa (la, la, la. La, la, la. La, la, la). Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaa (la la la, la la la, la la la) Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (la la la, la la la, la la la)_. (Repeat). Ok, I am taking this to court, now, carry on.

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Chapter 2: Eidocity

"Great. Another traffic jam" Said Ifrit, hands on the chocobo's neck. He so hated traffic jams. They made him feel sick. All the bumping and the wobbling. As if riding a chocobo wasn't bad enough… Is riding a chocobo bad? I always though it must be a pleasant experience. _Well it isn't. A chocobo is sort of like an ostrich, and an ostrich is wobbly, so therefore a chocobo also is. _I see what you mean. _Great, now if you would stop interrupting me because of stupid reasons, I would be very thankful_. Geez. Bad hair day? _No. Bad censor. _I'll act as if I hadn't heard that, now moving on… But, since public transport was nearly always full, they had to content themselves with chocobo riding, and, therefore, traffic jams. This WAS strange, having into account the population on "Eido City (Totemas included… But Totemas are not summons. Why are they included? _Because they are the spirits guarding Ivalice, the same as the Eidolons are spirits guarding their summoners. Because, like Eidolons, they can be used in battle to harm the foes or to benefit the allies. And, like Eidolons, because they are graphically cool and they pwn enemies. Understood?_ Yes, Mr. Grumpy, Now move on. …)" was estimated in 50 or so. Then again, with only 50 people, there were not many to raise chocobos, build public transport and so on. But there you go. Really, next time Bahamut asked something, his own mother could go do it. Come to think of it, though, he would go again and again, just because he knew who's boss, and it wasn't him… _You DO know who's boss here, do you?_ Of course I do! I am. _I'll act as if I hadn't heard that, and I will continue with the story_…

Shiva experienced another sort of problem: that her post was being delayed. This was, mainly, because there was a shortage of postmen (or posteidolons, as they called themselves, to set the difference with humanoids…That joke deserved to be destroyed. _And so do you, so let us continue with the story_…). And, of course, what little posteidolons there where had as orders to send the leaders' (Bahamut, Odin, Diablolos…) post first. It was normal that the system was not a democracy, but this level of inequality was new even for the oldest of the them.. The problems with post bothered her because she suspected the letter certifying she was going to assist to the meeting was lost, and so she would not have a seat, but, instead she would have to stand up during the whole meeting, which, of course, tired her up. "This country is now the shadow of its greatness", she thought, but never dared to say.

Ramuh was s… Please don't. _If you ask so politely_… stopped from a perfect life by another problem: food prices. He, as one of those Eidolons who weren't made purely out of an element nor had other traits that gave them energy from their surroundings, actually had to eat. He had been flying most of his journey to Bahamut's meeting, so he would arrive too early. Just at that moment, he had began to feel hungry, so he had decided to stop at the nearest Mc'Espers and order a large hamburger with nuggets and something to drink. He hoped to carry enough money with hum. After waiting in queue for a short time, he had got to place his order. However, after seeing the price of everything and seeing he could not afford even a small burger, decided to leave. "Another hungry, hungry day" he thought, "or with only a charged-up salad" He knew that it was the leaders' fault, because they ate without needing too. As a matter of fact, he knew that there was a time in which Bahamut had grown so large a stomach that he had opened another entrance in his palace.., just in time, because the first one was too small for him.

And, at the entrance of the meeting site, was Leader Bahamut, dressed in a gown (he was now thinner by that point) and with a crown on his head. He saw everything without looking, and he heard everything without listening, and constantly behaved like if there was no wrong oh his city… What a jerk! _He is, now I am going to end the chapter now, so sorry for interrupting you_.

* * *

**Well, have you liked it? I have tried to use humor to explore issues, but I think I have not done a very good job of it. Anyways, Please R&R**… And criticize him! _Or her_. _What have I done to deserve this? Anyways, Goodbye!_

**Pdt: I think I'm NOT updating in a while. Just not in the mood for humour. Might make something else, though... **What a pity! It's always SO much more fun to critisize you when you are in a good mood._ Yeah, I know, but hey, that's the way life goes, plus it is my fault. AND I can't do anything to fix it. So there. I'll just let the planet spin, and perhaps in 40 moons with their 40 suns..._

**Ppdt: Horray, I have written "Without a Goodbye"! I feel hell better, I think it will attract attention to this story, and this gives me more time to think up improvements for this story...** Unfortunately, I am not in that story, simply because we are in court at the time. _Double Hurray! I am temporarily rid of her!_ But I'm winning. _Oh well. Life can't be perfect._


End file.
